Letters to Marion
25 May, 1940
Chelsea, Saturday
Dearest Mog,
I had both your letters. Stanley took the picture and I will send you the harness early next week. Of course I will see you before I have to join up, if I do, it may yet be over before we think. If one looks at a map of the relative positions it is at once evident that the Germans are very dangerously placed. It is too soon yet to say what will happen. All the same things do look grim. I am glad now that you are both in such a safe place. Poor Dumps and Lizzie were in the thick of it a night or so ago, awakened at 3am by alarms and bombs. Only one pony and a few chickens killed but all the kids in the house terrified and huge holes in the fields where the bombs had fallen. This was in Sussex.
Mother came about 9 this morning to tell me that she had been told that father might go any day. She is in a bad way and it is a good thing I am here to do what I can. It is a miserable end for him and not knowing if we have won or not - although he would have that unshakable faith that England could not be beaten. Sometimes I wonder. If they were all like him and Brian it would be true but we have men fighting who have been brought up on anti-war teaching and it must have had its effect. We must hold out until that effect has worn off, if we can, then we will have them.
I have begun to work again. By fits and starts. I feel for you and I wish you were here with Julian and that you could be just left alone. But in our time this little thing is too much to ask. Still I am sure it will all come right one day so try to be brave, as you have been up till now.
A bit late our Government is doing something - even in Belfast it appears, which is interesting after Hunter's letter.
I will do my best about the cot when you feel you need it.
All my love to you both. Write soon,
Clifford
27 May, 1940
Chelsea, Monday morning
Dearest Mog,
I had your letter this morning. Have just been to Peter Jones. They only had one cot - the design you wanted but a horrible green. They phoned John Lewis and they have one in blue and it will be sent off today.
The hair mattress is also being sent today from Peter Jones. They have credited you for the full amount originally paid for the first cot and mattress and the new one will only be less than 10 shillings more including the mattress. That is all right and I will let you have a couple of pounds to send them on account at the end of the week, or pay it myself whichever you prefer. I hope the one sent will be right. Have done the best I could.
Love to you both
Clifford
28 May, 1940
Chelsea, Tuesday
Dearest Mog,
I have just readdressed the credit note from Peter Jones to you and here is a card for the show at Bournemouth in case you are able to go there some time.
I saw Leo yesterday and he is working hard at our ballet and hopes to get it produced but I expect the latest news will just ruin it. No one is particularly cheerful as you may guess and certainly things do look bad enough now, particularly with Albert giving up.
I have started to work again. My poor father hangs on but he was hardly conscious when I saw him on Sunday and could not even remember that he had seen mother the same morning.
I hope the cot will be all right when it reaches you. I should think you should get it about the end of the week. I hope to get the harness and send it off to you tomorrow.
Love to you and Julian,
Clifford
31 May, 1940
Chelsea, Friday
Dearest Mog,
Your letter came yesterday. I am anxious to hear that the cot and other things got to you safely and that the cot is the sort you wanted - although one has to take whatever they have now. You must try not to be miserable although I know how difficult it all is. I am very thankful you are both somewhere safe, as we look like getting it hot pretty soon. I do not think, however, that London will be touched yet, and don't think we will be beaten because it is impossible. I have thought of joining the parachute spotters but I dare not have my time taken up at the moment as things are at Putney. It is a difficult position but I feel I am right in waiting as I may be wanted there at any moment. Dismal Fred and Charles are really more trouble than they are worth and their advice is most unbusinesslike and is giving mother more worry than she need have. She has enough already. They mean to be helpful of course, but that is the way most harm is done.
I do not think I am particularly afraid of what may happen but I loved my world and it makes me infinitely sad to think that it may all be taken away from me. That's a selfish way of looking at things I know but I just give up trying to understand anything else. I know a fine picture when I see one but beyond that everything baffles me completely. There is so much good in what we call evil and evil in what is generally accepted as good. I can make neither head nor tail of it. You know, I wish I were ten or fifteen years younger or as much older, as it is so difficult to adjust one's viewpoint and one must have a viewpoint. Nothing can be done without it.
I am very happy that Julian means so much to you. When I see him again he will probably say: "Who's that guy?" and I shall have to get to know him. We will all be together again I am perfectly sure of that, but who can say when.
Will you send me Peter Joneses bill when you get it and I will send then the £2 on account, or would you sooner I sent the cheque to you? But that seems unnecessary, sending it backwards and forwards.
I have worked hard all this week but it is difficult to get going - to really lose myself. The horror that is going on daily so close to us becomes like a solid form and gets everywhere and it is almost impossible to keep it out. I expect you are feeling the same about it.
Tell me what the show at Bournemouth is like if you do happen to go. It could hardly be worse than the RA although John did save the latter.
I have been thinking that when the time comes and I am called up I will have to store everything, possibly with Bill, because it would be best for you and Julian to stay where you are. Or, maybe, as he will be easier to manage by September you could go to East Meon which would be nicer for you. I am so far not required to register until December but I rather think it will be some months sooner than that if things continue at their present rate. Anyway, I will be able to come and see you before then. And it won't be anything for you to worry about because I will be back to paint a lot more pictures for years and years. I am not rushing into this before I have to but I could not try to get out of it because as I told you not long ago the war has got so big now that everyone must do their best to stop it, and there seems only one way.
Before it has finished I think they will all be in, Russia, Turkey, Japan, America, and Italy and the Balkans. All that could happen quite soon now and it could be over soon too.
You have got to be brave and stay very beautiful for me because I am going to paint a full length of you in your last velvet dress and we are going to France and Venice to paint beautiful things. I will paint you there too and you will be happy again.
Later -
Good night dear, I have done a good sketch this evening. I love you - write soon.
Clifford
PS Saturday.
Got your letter. I will send the blanket early next week. So glad the harness was all right. I hope the cot arrives soon.
Love to you both,
Clifford
7 June, 1940
Chelsea, Friday
Dearest Mog,
Isn't it a shame we can't be together this perfect day? I thought how beautiful it would be to go on the lake in Battersea Park. It would really be quite safe to take Julian too because you know I have never upset a boat in my life.
It is silly of me writing like this and it may make you feel unhappy, I am sorry, but I just thought of it.
I have started a head this week and I have done two small watercolours. One of them is rather strange and I not really know what made me do it. There is the river with the factory buildings hazy on the far side. The tide is out and two women are bathing from a little boat. In the foreground another one is lying in a very lovely way with a perfect line. It is all rather faint and dreamy. There is a barge in the picture too, but it is not ugly, I had a vague idea of combining a number of things whose only relationship was that they mean a lot to me. Maybe it does not come off. Logically it's impossible but that does not seem to matter. One day you can tell me what you think*.
* The watercolour which Clifford describes here surely marks the very beginning of his somewhat surreal 'bather' paintings. Please see the image below of an oil painting called 'Quiet Flows The River' which he completed a few years later.
I would like to paint it larger but I have not got the knowledge yet, and what I have done is as far as I can go at the moment; but I think it is something I may go back to some day.
Horrible stories are going around from the men who have got back from Dunkirk. I think of them and then find myself looking out at the sky which is clear, serene and perfect, full of light - even the barrage balloons do not spoil it. One has got used to them.
My love to you and Julian. Write soon,
Clifford
11 June, 1940
Chelsea, Tuesday
Dearest Mog,
Glad to hear you got my last letter. Of course I am happy and interested to hear about Julian, only I seem to have so many things on my mind these days that I suppose I do not keep pace with them.
Well we had another shock last night, didn't we?* One can only say that the sooner every country is in it the sooner it will be over. It is shocking bad luck for Harry. It's a damned stupid tragedy whichever way you look at it, because I still think the Italians are simple, harmless people. And it's just another country to be changed and smashed up before we had a chance to see it. First it was Spain.
* Italy entered the war on Monday, 10th June 1940.
I hope to go on painting as long as I can. I believe it is called "escapism" but I am not yet convinced that it is; for in some way, the present does get into what one does. In my case not particularly, thank God. The idea of finding myself in a position where I can no longer hold a brush terrifies me, although, like others, I will no doubt make the best of it when the time comes. I am no longer working easily and I take out as much as I leave. Everything is taking me three times as long as it did. That's a good sign really- if only I have the time - and then somehow I waste time.
I heard from the Artist's Benevolent people this week. They sent £20. I have to tell the U.A.B* about this as they asked me if I had applied. This means I will get nothing from them for a good while so I must make the £20 last.
I did have hopes of our ballet coming off. Leo had started rehearsing it with the others but now the season at the Arts has been cancelled. Of course, I would have been paid for my designs.
I sent Peter Jones £2 this morning and I asked them to put the receipt to you.
Here is a quotation I came across yesterday - it is very good.
"The artist of today must bear a wound - "cette blessure" - according to Gide "Qu'il ne faut pas laisser ce cicatriser, mais qui doit demeurer tourjours douleurence et saiguante, cette blessure au contact de l'affreux réalaté".
Roughly - "This wound which must not be allowed to heal, but must remain always bleeding and painful, this wound made terrifying by reality".
Thank you for writing so nice and quickly. Lots of love to you and Julian.
Clifford