CLIFFORD HALL'S JOURNAL ~ 1943 - 1947 Page 3
November 1 1943
Painted a sketch of Hanna. I must do the same pose again when I can have a number of sittings at it. When?
Received an extraordinary letter from Bill, accusing me of all sorts of things, Says he hopes I won't misunderstand what he says; well I can't understand what he says.
November 5 1943
Peter Stone came this evening and bought a little nude, on a panel - 16 x 22 cm, and his friends who came with him had a pencil drawing of Great Zorro, a clown and juggler, that I drew when I was with Frisco Frank's Circus. Now I will be able to get the models and finish my cartoon.
I have decided not to reply to Bill's letter. I fear he is one of my failures.
November 6 1943
Started to paint the canvas of Pauline. This is the one I commenced last Saturday.
Spent the evening with Marion. After diner we went to the Chelsea Palace. I almost decided to work out again my large theatre picture. I did not get what I wanted in the last one. Saw her back to Bramerton Street. As I was going a raid started so I stayed with her until it was over We talked. Of Bill and of course our, her and mine, relationship. I feel that the characteristics she, and Bill, so deplore in me, my secretiveness, my devotion to my work, my inability to sentimentalise overmuch, are the very characteristics which are inescapably part of me: left alone to work them out in the only way I know, somehow produce paintings. Paintings which they, at times, get something from.
November 7 1943
Elizabeth posed for the remaining two figures in the river picture. Made three drawings.
Meo came to tea. Remembers Greaves well. He seemed a lonely old man, he said. His long overcoat and the inevitable portfolio of drawings under his arm. Greaves went a lot to the Pier Hotel at the bottom of Oakley Street, facing the river, and to the Crosskeys public house (this has since Greaves' time been rebuilt). He was not a drinker and would spend hours sitting over one glass of beer, alone by the fire. Some people made fun of the old chap, and the blacking with which he dyed his hair and his moustache would occasionally melt and drip off, staining his collar and shirt. Meo also said the Schwabe has some fine Greaves drawings and knows a lot about him.
Later in the evening I worked on the cartoon from today's drawings.
November 8 1943
Worked again at the cartoons. I am beginning to lose faith in it and to wish it were done. This state of mind arises sooner or later during the progress of all my work and I must not give way to it.
It is not so difficult to make a rapid sketch that contains the spirit of one's idea. It is when one comes to work it out on a larger scale and with the detail such a scale demands that the spirit is in danger of being lost. I am not alone in having this difficulty and almost every painter's sketches are better than his completed pictures. This is true even of Rubens and Rembrandt. Yet sketches are not enough. Nowadays the painting, or picture, is out of fashion whilst the sketch with all its accidental qualities is praised as if it represented the end and not the beginning.
November 13 1943
Made a couple of sketches for one of the figures in the river picture.
Yesterday evening went to see Bill; Leo had written to me about him saying he was ill.
Bill was in bed. We did not refer to his letter. Took him some books today.
November 14 1943
Worked on the cartoon. Altered the buildings and two of the figures.
November 15 1943
Made some sketches form Hanna for one of the figures in the river picture. Then after trying them on the cartoon decided to use those she sat for on Saturday instead.
In the evening I went through all the material I had collected on Walter Greaves and made a lot of notes. Last week Lillian suggested that the publishers would be interested if I thought I could get to together enough to write a life. Wrote to various people about Greaves.*
*In the appendix to his edited version of Clifford Hall's Journal, Julian Hall wrote the following notes regarding Clifford's Life of Walter Greaves:
The Life was written and entitled Strange Echo, a quotation from The Whistler Journal by Elizabeth and Joseph Fennel, referring to Greaves' imitation of Whistler's style of dress:
"Walking with Whistler on the Chelsea Embankment, J. had been amazed to see approaching a strange, faraway echo of Whistler."
The book, though well researched, was written partly in a quasi-novelistic style, fell somewhat between two stools, and was not published.
However, the surviving type-written manuscript of "Strange Echo" is not very long and written much more like a short story than a novel. There are no chapters, despite the fact that in his journal, Clifford makes several mentions of working on chapters about Greaves, going so far as to write, on April 28th 1945, that he did some work on chapter 9 of Greaves. So, it appears that Clifford wrote two versions of the Life and that the long one has somehow been lost since his death, as Julian clearly had a copy of it in the 1970s when he was editing Clifford's journal, as he included a small portion of it in his appendix notes.
The short version of 'Strange Echo' by Clifford Hall can now be read HERE
November 17 1943
The first reply. A most charming letter from Ronald Gray about Greaves enclosing one Greaves' letters and giving me several useful bits of information.
November 20 1943
Painted a little panel of Elizabeth in a red shirt, the light coming behind her. After tea as she was sitting in my only armchair she lent back her head. It rested slightly to one side, rising form the high round neck of the yellow jumper she was wearing. I had found the pose for the head I have been wanting to paint of her.
November 21 1943
Put a few little touches on the little panel I painted yesterday. Did some more to the cartoon for the river picture.
Henry came and borrowed ten shillings. He made several criticisms of the cartoon; most of them I agreed with and I was glad to have talked about it with him.
No other replies yet to my letter about Greaves.
November 22 1943
Worked on the cartoon. Went on with the nude of Pauline.
November 27 1943
A very dark day, wet, impossible to paint. Did a little to the cartoon. Went to order a canvas for the river painting and joined up four sheets of tracing paper as I am going to trace it on to the canvas.
I have had the Gwen John framed and hung it on the same wall as the Whistler, her master. I remember her telling me long ago in Paris, that an artist must have no conscience when it comes to taking what he needs from other people. But, he must produce fine paintings. That, she declared, was his only obligation.
Pauline is coming on Monday and I hope it will be a light day. Really this is an impossible time of the year.
November 28 1943
Did very little today. Took the 'Circus Orchestra' to Golders Green to Alexander Gumb who has bought it for twenty guineas. I think it is a pretty good picture.
Came home and cooked some lunch then altered the drapery on one of the figures in the river picture. Also made a few slight alterations to the background.
Not a very productive weekend, from the painting point of view, but I was glad to sell the picture. It means I can paint others and I am now sure of a canvas for the large one.
November 29 1943
The light much better so I was able to get on with the painting of Pauline. When I had finished painting, I took some drawings to Nan Kivell at the Redfern and I have to take some more tomorrow. Met Ted at the gallery and went back for a meal with him. A jolly good meal which I needed for I had had no time for lunch. Now I feel really tired and I will go to bed.
December 4 1943
Good light. The painting of Pauline is now beginning to advance. I have got a lovely canvas for my river picture.
Saw the exhibition at the Redfren Gallery this morning. Four of my drawings are there, one has been sold.
Last night dinner with Peter and a bottle of wine. I have let him exchange the painting of Emie for another of her which is really better in many ways. I would have liked to have kept the second one but he has been so good and encouraging at a time when I needed encouragement very badly. Now he has six paintings of mine and all are ones I am really pleased with.
Only two more weeks and I'll have a clear month to myself. I will finish Pauline nude and start my big picture. Wrote to Bill.
December 5 1943
This morning Elizabeth's friend brought her little daughter to pose for the child in the river picture. Made several sketches and spent the rest of the day working from them. The cartoon is now practically ready to trace on to the canvas. Pulled out the second version I started last year of the Trois Arts Ballet at the Lyric Theatre - a 36" x 28". I think I will go on with it when I have time. I feel I could make something of it now. I have just found the studies for this Lyric painting. There are twenty-eight drawings and five colour sketches. Yes, I must certainly have a go at it.
December 6 1943
Worked on the background of the nude of Pauline. Did not touch the figure as the paint was not dry from Saturday.
December 7 1943
Evening. Saw Bill. Understood each other better.
December 10 1943
Did not go to Wimbledon. Started the river picture. Worked on it all day and got it on the canvas.
December 11 1943
Worked on river picture.
December 12 1943
Spent all day at the picture. I can see my way pretty clearly now. I feel I can do it.
Soon I will have some time to myself. I must finish the nude of Pauline and work on the river picture and also see what I can do with the one of the theatre.
December 13 1943
Pauline sat. Repainted the head. Then the light got bad and I had spoiled it. Wiped off what I had done.
December 15 1943
Tea at the Athenaeum with Professor Randolph Schwabe. He told me a number of useful things about Greaves. I have made full notes for future use.
December 18 1943
Repainted the head in Pauline's picture. It seems a lot better.
December 19 1943
Worked all day at the river picture and established the key. Now to complete it piece be piece. The only possible method.
December 20 1943
A good long sitting. Got on well with Pauline's picture, I hope to finish with it tomorrow when she will again sit for four hours.
Evening with Lillian. We made a few alterations to the Guys article. She really is one of the most charming people I know - and genuine.
How wonderful it would be to paint every day like this, with a clear light!
December 21 1943
Went on with yesterday's painting. The paint was still wet and I was able to handle it easily. I think this painting has now gone far enough. I will leave it.
December 22 1943
Worked on the 36" x 28" of the Lyric Theatre (Hammersmith). Practically repainted it, without referring to my studies. I was able to remember it very well. This is the ideal way. The results of studies for a picture should be completely assimilated before working. By having to constantly refer to sketches whilst painting the work becomes dull and lacking in spirit. That is the mistake I made with the first version of this subject. The spirit of the thing is of the utmost importance. One can forgive minor details if the spirit is there.
December 29 1943
I got back to Chelsea yesterday having spent Christmas at Pearl and Peter's. Marion and Julian were there. I still do not know where I am. I was able to paint a little panel of Julian's head.
This morning I took my picture for the National Society's exhibition, called in at Redfern's and found they had sold one of my watercolours; saw Reid & Lefevre who said they would look at some paintings in the new year.
I took Lillian out to lunch and we had a long talk about our separate matrimonial troubles, and arrived nowhere at the end of it: unless it was to the conclusion that neither of us were fitted for the 'blessed state.'
Then I came home and put a few necessary details into the painting of the Lyric Theatre. And I hope the light will be good tomorrow because I want to get on with my river picture.
December 30 1943
River picture. Worked on the figure on the extreme right; also the child. Altered the sky.
December 31 1943
Worked on the figure holding the green drapery.
Self-portrait, 1943, by Clifford Hall. No colour photo currently available.
1944
January 2 1944
River picture. Worked on the figure with the pink drapery and also on the one combing her hair. Yesterday I did not work. I felt thoroughly ill. Although I was much better this morning I am now, 6 o'clock, beginning to feel rotten again. Really it is too stupid. Why couldn't I have been ill during term time, instead of now when I have so much to do.
January 3 1944
River picture. Worked at the drapery of the girl combing her hair.
Last night I went to a party, feeling like death, but when I woke up this morning I felt distinctly better. Tomorrow I will repaint the girl tying her sandal, then, I must leave it for a little; although I may be able to do something to the drapery lying in the foreground. If possible, the background and the river, with the barges, boats and people on the shore should all be done at a go with a large brush - and left!
January 4 1944
River picture. Worked on the girl tying her sandal. Excellent - all but one of her hands which I simply could not get right. The other hand came very well. Feeling somewhat better, but not absolutely right.
January 5 1944
River picture. Last night went on painting that wretched hand, by artificial light, until 9 o'clock and, in the end, I had to wipe it all out again. This morning I got it right in an hour. Also repainted the drapery in the foreground.
Afternoon. Drew in a head of Elizabeth on an 18" x 14" canvas. How quickly the days go!
I must not touch the big painting again until next week. It must have a chance to settle down before any repainting is done.
I think I will have a rest tomorrow and go to the private view at the National Society. Elizabeth sits again on Friday.
January 7 1944
Worked at the head of Elizabeth, in coloured turpentine. Another sitting next Wednesday.
January 9 1944
Painted a 16" x 11" sketch of Hanna, sitting down, hands resting on the arms of the chair. I want to do a large one of the same arrangement, about 30" x 25". When I have time, and she has time, or when conditions allow us.
January 10 1944
River picture. A long day on this, 9.30 to 5, and I did a good deal, completing most of the background. A little more work on it tomorrow and then I will leave it.
January 11 1944
River picture. Did just a little more and will now leave it. At the moment I am pleased. Those who can understand it will understand everything about me. Apart from that I think it is a good decoration. I loved painting it.
January 12 1944
Sitting from Elizabeth.
On Saturday I saw the collection of the late Sir Michael Sadler which is being shown at the Leicester Gallery. I imagine it must be the tale end of this much talked about collection, for it consisted of a number of indifferent pictures. The worst Sickert I have ever seen, another also by him, of a dead bird, was not particularly good either. A very bad Vuillard, an unimportant Renoir. There were a few exceptions. Gertler's magnificent portrait of his mother dominated the exhibition. I remember also two nice little Corots.
January 13 1944
Worked a little on the standing nude of Pauline.
Afternoon went to the M.O.I. With some sketches for censorship, in order to get my sketching permit renewed. A great official fuss was made last time I asked for renewal of the permit - because I had not submitted any work. As it happens I had only done two paintings out of doors, however I took up a number of sketches of the river that I did before the war, together with two more recent ones, and officialdom, in the person of a charming blonde, who told me she lived in Chelsea, carefully stamped each one with a stamp on which I now see someone has omitted to change the year from 1943 to 1944.
January 15 1944
Started work on a 30" x 20" of Emie. I began this some month's ago, from drawings and it has been drying ever since. Cleaned and varnished, for Bill, the sketch I did of him in 1937.
Here is what I have done in my four weeks of freedom:
1. The River - 40" x 50"
2. Completed the Standing Nude (Pauline)
3. Completed the Ballet at the Lyric Theatre
4. Panel, 16cm x 22cm, of Julian
5. Sketch of Hanna - 16" x 11"
6. Commenced portrait of Elizabeth, 18" x 14"
Now everything is stupidly slowed down while I earn a living.
January 16 1944
Sunday.
Continued the painting I was working at yesterday. A thick fog in the afternoon but I was able to go on painting by electric light as the mixtures of various tones had already been made.
January 17 1944
Afternoon. A sitting from Elizabeth.
Evening, saw Marion. More about this another time, later.
January 22 1944
Elizabeth. The light was not very good. Two raids last night, the second one rather bad *, like they used to be, so I did not feel my best.
* January 21st !944 marked the commencement of Operation Steinbock, also known as the "Baby Blitz", a stratgic bombing campaign by the German Air Force. It went on until May 29th 1944. Clifford was not called back to serve with the ARP as a stretcher bearer, but continued his Fire Watch duties. Operation Steinbock wiki.
January 23 1944
Did a watercolour from a drawing of Alexis Rassine. This was because Leger sold the watercolour of a dancer resting and wrote asking for another like it. He also sent the cheque. He is the only dealer I have ever known who pays on the nail. Redfern still owe me for a watercolour they sold before Christmas. The one I did today turned out quite well - after I had sponged it down three times. Tomorrow I will be forty years old.
January 29 1944
Elizabeth posed all day.
January 30 1944
Commenced a charcoal and chalk drawing, 24" x 18", of the two dancers resting.
Looking at what I did yesterday, Elizabeth, I am fairly satisfied with it.
January 31 1944
Worked on the dress and background of Elizabeth's portrait. These parts are always more trouble that the face. They must keep in their place and it is so easy to overdo them. I must have another sitting.
February 2 1944
7.45 pm. At 10 o'clock tonight I am going to see Marion. We are to talk about living together again. After all this time I feel myself utterly incapable of making a decision. In the end I will force her to make it. There you have the pitiful state of mind I am in. Yet I feel certain things. Is it right, for Julian's sake, that I do something which I do not want to do, or at least something which I have no real urge to do? I do not know. I wish I did.
I have not been unhappy or lonely for a very long time, but I realise I no longer have anything left which I can give, from my heart, to Marion or indeed to any other woman. None of them touch me deeply. She took it all. I can give it to my work but not to a woman, not again. Therefore if I were brave, I would stay as I am, only there is something which tells me I should not give up on Julian, and if I stay as I am it amounts to giving him up. I am fearful of another disaster with Marion, she does not deserve that. I have thought and thought about this problem. I have worried over it. I have tried to guess the future, the probable result of this or that action. I have tried logic, sentiment, duty. Useless. And always it has seemed to me that these ways were not the right ones and if only I stayed still I would feel what I should do. That something would, sooner or later, tell me, Like an actor who has forgotten his part and knows if he does not lose his head it will come back, or he will pick up the cue. But nothing, nothing has happened, and I am as far off knowing what to do as I was nearly a year ago. And we cannot, must not go on like this. Indeed I know she will not. Perfectly right.
I cannot go to her, generously as she deserves, and say - I still love you - for I am afraid of, and no longer feel, that kind of love. I will make conditions and despise myself for making them, and I will rage against the conditions that, to me, make it necessary to make my conditions. And all that seems a very poor foundation on which to start again.
Ah! If only I could set about these problems as I can the problem of painting a picture. But there are plenty of people who will tell you that I cannot do that either.
February 3 1944
Well, we talked until after one this morning and we did not get very far. I am afraid of giving up my liberty, too utterly selfish to give it up is what it amounts to, and Marion naturally thinks if I do not give up some of it everything would turn out badly again. Finally we agreed not to see each other for a month, by which time I must decide.
I have just written Marion a long letter, I will give a copy later if I decide to send it, and I have put it away and I am going to read it through when the month is up and if I still feel all I have said in it I will post it to her.
Affection, yes, but love, as I have experienced it with Marion, I regard only as an intolerable burden laid upon me.
February 5 1944
Made a drawing, tinted with watercolour, from an oil painting I did of Leo some years ago. I think it is better balanced than the oil painting.
I understand Celia now. My love for her was a burden and so she ran away and she was perfectly right , for, like me, she had other work to do. Work that demands complete freedom. But I won't run away, although how I want to, for there is Julian.
Ted came yesterday evening and I exchanged with him an etching by Paul Klee for a lithograph by Whistler. By present values the Klee is worth more than the Whistler, but I have no doubt which of the two I prefer. It seems to me the Klee is unnecessarily eccentric and the Whistler has just as much depth and is a better design - and moreover strikes me as beautiful, and I love things that seem beautiful to me.
February 6 1944
Began to colour a monochrome of the Anglo-Polish Ballet I prepared last Spring. Had a headache all day and only worked slowly. Another raid last night. With worry about Marion and not enough sleep because of the gunfire I am bound to get a headache sooner or later.
I really dread giving up my life here, and yet the more I think over the problem it seems that whatever decision I make I will have lasting regrets.
Today's painting. Drapery in artificial light. Shadows. Folds. Clearly defined. Soft edge on side nearest principal source of light, hard edge on side farthest away. Remember this when you repaint it.
February 7 1944
Drew in a backcloth 20 feet by 10 at the school. In Chelsea by 1.45. Lunch.
Finished Elizabeth's portrait. I am pleased with it.
Sent some chocolate biscuits to Julian and now have to rush back to Wimbledon again in time for fire watch.
February 12 1944
Repainted the water of The River.
Peter Stone has bought a painting of snow covered roofs. I painted it from the studio I used to have in Jubilee Place.
Last night I saw Tod Slaughter in 'Jack The Ripper'. He is magnificent. I am going to see him again tonight with Hanna.
February 13 1944
Made a sketch of Hanna
February 14 1944
Started a painting of Elizabeth. Very difficult to draw as I was tired for I had not slept since 4.30 in the morning.
Evening with Peter, New Theatre, to see Helpmann in Hamlet. Enjoyed it, and Henry's setting is successful although there are regrettable lapses in taste. He needs more restraint.
Robert Helpmann as Hamlet, dancing with Celia Franca as Gertrude. !944.