CLIFFORD HALL'S JOURNAL ~ 1943 - 1947 Page 6
October 29 1944
Made a little watercolour for a friend of Bill. A good start on the fourth chapter of the Greaves book.
Evening. Bill came with a new model he had discovered. She is very lovely, and I was able to make one of the most complete drawings I have done for months - almost years. She has promised to come and sit again for a painting. She is a dancer and I am hoping to paint a nude of her. They always have such good figures, not a bit like the professional models.
The result of this has been to make me almost cheerful today, in spite of the stupid school. I hope to start the painting next Saturday, not the nude, we must lead up to that; but her head is excellent and just the colour I love. I have ordered a canvas.
I like the sketch I painted of Dorothy on Saturday. It is rather brutally seen but that will do me no harm, now and again, and the colour is good. I must get her to sit again; several sittings, so that I can carry the next one further.
November 4 1944
Started an 18" x 14" canvas of Liesel Meyer, the girl I drew last Sunday. I will go on with it tomorrow. Also did some work to the fourth chapter on Greaves.
November 9 1944
Life class somewhere in Radcliffe Road, with Pat Brand and Elizabeth. The model did not appear and Elizabeth posed instead. Made a few drawings.
November 11 1944
Worked on the cartoon of the women by the sea. Made alterations. Took away the reclining figure in the foreground also the sitting figure in the middle distance; replaced the latter by three figures a little further back. I then reduced the size of the design to 30" x 20". I have felt so tired today and only worked with any purpose for about an hour. In the holidays I must make some studies for this picture, then I will be able to get on with it. I need at least six, maybe more.
November 12 1944
Liesel. November light, although it might have been worse. Painted for three hours. Next Sunday before I can go on with it. When will I have more time for my work? I am so slow, just when I want to do so much.
November 16 1944
Life class.
November 18 1944
So depressed this morning - I could do nothing. In the afternoon I did some work on the cartoon of the women by the sea. It needs more alterations, but it is getting along slowly. I felt better when I had worked, and after it got dark I worked again at the Greaves - fifth chapter.
November 19 1944
Morning. Worked again at the fifth chapter, then Sadi brought a note from Liesel saying she was not well and could not come for me to go on with her portrait. So I went out to the river and painted there. Quite a good sketch. Life in it. The wind was blowing hard all the time I was working, but I loved it. A warm damp wind it seemed, and not until I had been there for over three hours did I begin to feel cold. The colour of the day was lovely, and it became lovelier as time passed. I am using Ivory Black again; in small quantities - and Zinc White in this sketch. I prefer it to Flake White, it works easier, thinner of course, but not sticky.
November 25 1944
A lorry load of sailors is starting from the Polytechnic opposite. As they leave the officer shouts: ' Remember I don't want any singing as you go through the streets.'
Why not simply tell them to be bloody miserable?
Afternoon. Sketched by the river at Putney. A lovely day - far more beautiful than a day in the summer. The colour was perfect and seems to change every moment. I enjoyed myself.
November 26 1944
Worked at the head of Liesel. Better, but I am not satisfied yet. The light was pretty bad. It wants more freedom - it is rather too careful. That is because the drawing of her head impresses me so. Well, I have got the drawing fairly well, now I must repaint freely and not lose the drawing in the end, although it will get lost for a time, no doubt.
Sometimes I turn back these pages. It amuses me to read what I was doing on a particular day a year or more ago. I have just been amusing myself. What a shocking muddle I have been in. And what is the position now? I am really living with Marion. I am more settled in my mind. There could be no one like her. I have Hanna. I have Celia. After all my worries, my utterly miserable days and nights I have reached this conclusion - I could not be happy with Marion if it meant knowing no other women. I want others. I have not found one who could give me everything I want. That is doubtless my fault, something in my nature. I feel better when I admit the fact. Hanna has her Rudolf. Perhaps I should be jealous of him. I am not. I think she will marry Rudolf. Celia has her career, and she would put it before me. And she is right. I see her perhaps twice a month and we are happy. She remains elusive, an idea, yet one which I never did succeed in forgetting, and it is better now that I no longer attempt to forget. It would have been hopeless if we had tried living together. With Hanna I believe I could have been happy, but I could not have succeeded in forgetting Marion and Julian.
There it is. Is it still a muddle? Perhaps. Somehow it does not seem a muddle. If Marion had been like almost every other women everything would have been impossible. I have what I want, all but time to paint. I may have that, some day. Even without it I must paint, and I must do good work. I feel I must - to justify myself. Why do I want to justify myself? Why not simply take what I want, because I need it, because it is given to me. But I do feel this need to prove myself.
And now I will tell you what I think would be best. I should spend the greater part of my time alone. But that is just what I do. It serves me right.
December 2 1944
Painted a small sketch of Dorothy.
December 3 1944
Morning. Did a little more work to yesterday's sketch.
Afternoon. Sketched by the river. These winter days have such lovely colour. I will probably end up with a frightful cold, but it will be worth it.
December 4 1944
An afternoon to myself. Went to Agnew's - old masters. Some charming Guardis. A Rembrandt - The Artist's Sister - I don't believe Rembrandt painted it. A Rubens - St Teresa - really horrid. Mares and Foals by George Stubbs - an exciting painting, amazingly accomplished and a good design. Then to the RBA. Frightful, as usual. The work by Luard I enjoyed. Most of all his circus picture - The Flying Rider - magnificent movement, and a good drawing - The Shirker. He made the exhibition worthwhile. Afterwards to Leger's. Found he had sold my watercolour of the Bullfight, fifteen guineas. Unfortunately I owed him seven and commission so I only got three pounds ten. I will buy some canvas.
December 10 1944
Painted by the river yesterday. Very cold. Did not like what I did and wiped it out.
Last Wednesday Lillian came here with one of her partners in the gallery. Very encouraging. Later in the evening her cousin and husband arrived*. They bought a little oil, 14"x10" of two dancers resting, one I painted some weeks ago, also a drawing of a bullfight. This they must have from the gallery when its first exhibition opens. Lillian, quite rightly, said it would do more good that way. Give the partners confidence. Also I am to paint a head of her cousin. Then there was another painting, of a boat, that Lillian said she would get the gallery to buy. All this is rather overwhelming, but she always had faith in me,and I must paint better and better. I even had a wild idea of being able to give up teaching in a year or so. It is just possible. If I work hard.
*Lillian's 'cousin and her husband' appear to have been Kate Fielding (later Wilson) and her husband John. If that is the case, then it was John who was Lillian's cousin rather than Kate. Kate taught voice production at RADA and she and Browse shared a flat in Linden Gardens, Notting Hill, around this time. This is according to information to be found in the 'Duchess of Cork Street', the autobiography of Lillian Browse, first published in 1999.
I have bought more canvas.
Afternoon sketches by the river. Raining most of the time and my canvas got so wet I had to leave off after a couple of hours. Worked on it a little when I got back. Good colour and atmosphere. I will do another of the same subject when there is no rain. I wish it would snow. The barges would look lovely with snow on them. The sky dark, and the white snow, lying on the black barges.
December 16 1944
Morning. Sketched by the river. Raining most of the time.
Afternoon. Traced a drawing of Cheyne Row on to a gesso panel. I will paint it when the right day comes. I would like to do it after rain, with the roadway shiny and wet.
This country is now fighting the Greeks, their former allies*. I expected this, and I expect worse to come. I have reached what is perhaps a wrong attitude. I am utterly convinced that power politics, talk of liberty, freedom, progress, are all swindles. Liberty and progress are possible, but never within the present framework. There is sense in painting. Let the rest go hang.
* This is clearly a reference to the Dekemvriana conflict in Athens 3rd December 1944 - 11th January 1945.
December 17 1944
A good day at the portrait of Leisel. Painted from 12.15 to 4 o'clock, then had lunch. I am inclined to leave it now, but I will know better when I see it again after a few days.
This morning, waiting for the stove to light, I fished out the 30" x 20" nude of Pauline. I had not seen it for some months. Really, it is not bad, but I am sure I could do far better now.
December 21 1944
Went to the exhibition at the Wildenstien Gallery - Constable to Cézanne, with Lillian. There are some lovely paintings there. I remember best the Degas - Dancers, some perfect Corots, two fine Boningtons and a Courbet - une marine, and a landscape sketch by Manet.
Evening with Lillian. I signed the painting Kate bought and we talked about the book Lillian is doing on the dancers of Degas.
December 23 1944
Got out my sketches of the bullfight I saw in Marseille and painted a sketch in body colour.
Evening. Dinner with Kate, John and Lillian. Julian went with us. Everyone was very sweet to him and he behaved like an angel. A perfect goose and excellent wine. I thoroughly enjoyed it all.
December 24 1944
At the studio all day.
Lunch. Bread and cheese, an apple and a cup of tea.
Spent nearly all day on another bullfight sketch. It was not good. Made a second just as the light was going, did it in ten minutes, and this time I did get the spirit of the thing. I have really exhausted my material now. Four bulls were killed that afternoon, and I have four drawings.
December 31 1944
Worked at the cartoon of the women by the sea. Altered it yet again. I am more satisfied with it now. Have at last reached the stage when I need studies of a model. I must ask Leisel to sit for some of the figures.
A whole week spent on 'Christmas' and looking after Julian. I got on very well with him, but really I would sooner have been painting. Better still I would have preferred to have done both. I always want the impossible.
Next year I must work harder than I have worked this year.
1945
January 1 1945
Worked again on the cartoon. I wanted to paint out of doors, but it was just a little too cold. Must paint out of doors, by the river, this week or next.
January 3 1945
A bomb at breakfast time this morning. Fairly close, it shook the house and the floor waved under my feet. Julian asked, was it thunder? And we said yes. Went out early. Saw Mackenzie at the top of the road in his moth-eaten fur lined coat. He told me the bomb had fallen on Burton Court*. Fairly close indeed. Walked down to the river and saw the Pamela Hope looking lovely. Went to the studio and got my colours and returned to the river. Painted until I was so cold I could stay no longer. A 13" x 8" panel. I think it is all right. Hanna came about one and stayed to lunch. I was very happy to see her again. Worked a little in the afternoon, on the panel, from memory.
* He was misinformed. Near Burton Court. The Royal Hospital. CH
The North East Wing of the Royal Hospital, Chelsea, was destroyed by a German V2 Rocket on January 3rd 1945. Five people were killed and nineteen injured in the attack. There is a memorial plaque to those who died on the colonnade at the Hospital. GRH
Yesterday I painted all the woodwork in Lillian's office at the new gallery. A house painter's job. I enjoyed myself thoroughly. Just covering large surfaces with paint is enjoyable but painting pictures is better, but I would sooner paint doors and window frames than teach drawing in a public school. At least painting doors is real work.
January 7 1945
By the river again where I painted a little panel. The light was changing all the time and I had a lot of trouble. It was very cold. I certainly could not have controlled a painting on a larger scale. Finally I got something fairly good, an attempt at another mood on the lovely river, whose moods are infinite. I am so fascinated by these winter days that I wonder how I was able to paint in full sunlight last year.
I have heard two bombs today, and I picked up a penny on the foreshore.
January 8 1945
Did not paint today. After lunch, I foolishly went to a restaurant, I was violently sick. Got a little better by the evening. Celia came to see me before she goes to France. I wish she were staying here.
January 9 1945
The proofs of the book on Guys arrived and I went through them three times. Still not feeling well. No appetite. Painted a tiny sketch from the studio window after snow had fallen. I am now sitting in front of the stove which is burning beautifully. The studio is warm and more comfortable than any house. I feel rather ill, a bit feeble, but secure and at ease.
January 10 1945
Rewrote chapter five on Greaves. Went through the proof of the Guys. Evening with Lillian and we corrected the proofs again. She is one of the best friends I have.
January 11 1945
A bit too cold to work out of doors. I still don't feel my best. Painted a view of the street from the studio window. And enjoyed painting it. How calm and peaceful life is here, and yet how exciting.
January 12 1945
A miserable day. It is thawing and the light is dirty. Did some work to chapter five of the Greaves.
Evening. Went with Bill, Dumps and the children to the pantomime. That foul school starts on Thursday, January 16th. Needless to say. I am not looking forward to it.
January 13 1945
Worked on the cartoon of the women by the sea. I showed this to Celia when she was here and we talked about it and she seemed to understand what I have been trying for. Anyway, I felt greatly encouraged. It is the central figure which is not right yet. I got better feeling into it today but I really will have to use a model, and most models are so stupid. It is not enough for a model to simply take a pose, the model must feel, must have imagination, the ability, to get into the mood of the picture; and how many of them can do it?
If I cannot get this figure right I must wait until Celia comes back and make a drawing from her.
Three days left before I am in chains once more, for I promised Reynard Cooper I would varnish the portraits of his children, and that means to Guildford on Monday.
This is what I have done whilst free.
1 canvas 16 x 12
5 small panels
3 drawings
& work on the cartoon.
As ever, NOT ENOUGH!
January 14 1945
More work on the cartoon. I feel much happier about it.
January 20 1945
Commenced drawing a painting of Cheyne Row from another drawing, and the colour sketch I painted recently. Size of canvas - 24" x 20".
There seems a possibility that I may get back the half day they stole from me last term. It will make a real difference to work if I can get it.
January 21 1945
Finished drawing Cheyne Row. Wish I could go on with it tomorrow.
January 27 1945
Painted an 18" x 14" canvas of the 'Pamela Hope' with snow. It was very cold. Very cold indeed. Think it is all right but I will know better when I come to it fresh tomorrow.
January 28 1945
I like the painting I did yesterday.
I have worked at the one of Cheyne Row today. It is not going to be easy.
I must make some studies for the women by the sea. If only there was more time. And I want to paint some more 18 x 14's out of doors. Curse that stupid teaching and the necessity of making enough to live on!
February 3 1945
Spent the whole day at the painting of Cheyne Row. A fair start, but it it's not going to be easy to finish.
February 4 1945
Made a careful drawing of Hanna, sitting in an easy chair. This would make an oil painting but would take a good many sittings.
February 5 1945
A dull, stupid, boring day at the beastly school. Ted Kersley looked in about tea time. Said I must not go on with the painting of Cheyne Row, the one I did on Saturday. I am almost inclined to agree with him. I would only add dull facts and not improve the mood which I feel I have got. I think it would be best to leave it for a while and start another. This other one on a toned canvas, Indian red and blue and yellow ochre mixed to a dull reddish purple. Trace through the design in the same colour made darker with black. Paint in the darks and half tones in gradually working up to the light sky, roadway and so on, dabbing and dragging with a smallish brush. Yes, I must try this.
Like the drawing I made yesterday and want to paint a picture like it; only when can we get the time?
Colours used for the Cheyne Row painting: Zinc White, yellow ochre, Indian Red, Cadmium Red, French Blue and Viridian.
Made a sketch form a reproduction of an old Persian painting, 17th century. A very free sketch. It gives me an idea for a painting. Rough as this sketch appears I did three others, more careful ones, but they did not get the feeling. The reproduction is in 'Persian Painting' by Basil Gray, assistant keeper in the British Museum. This is what he says about this lovely miniature picture:
' There is nothing known of the artist, who has signed himself MIR AFZAL of TUN ---. This languid lady reclines on three cushions, one gold, one blue and one brown. They rest on nothing in particular. She wears a blue robe lined with green, and her trousers are white above with blue and gold design, and a very decorated below on the part more normally visible. She has bare feet and her hair hangs in very long plaits.'
After describing the various accessories, he continues:
'The background is simply a faintly indicated gold palm. She is certainly charming, but there is no mistaking her vulgarity.'
Oh! Mr assistant keeper in the British Museum, I think she is so lovely.
February 8 1945
Gave Leaders a post-dated cheque (Feb 24 - £2.29) for an etching by Whistler.
February 10, 1945
Made some drawings form a model for the women by the sea.
February 11, 1945
Made a drawing of a pot of cyclamen. I stood it on the round table. Had intended to make a painting, but the light was very poor. Now I am rather glad I did the drawing. It is far less obvious and more exciting. I spent all day at it.
February 14, 1945
Ash Wednesday, whatever that means. For me it means the beastly school is shut. Have been working on the cartoon, using the drawings I made on Saturday. Will make some more drawings next Saturday. Then it will not be so long before I can start thinking about the canvas. I must make at least two more drawings - possibly four more.
February 17, 1945
Four sheets of sketches from the model. Started to use them on the cartoon. Will continue this tomorrow.
February 18, 1945
All day at the cartoon. When it got dark did a couple of hours at the seventh chapter on Greaves. Now tomorrow faces me and I am loathing it before it has begun. Loathe it because I know before it starts exactly what it will be. I am only really content when I am here with my work. It will be very stupid if my life goes on like this for years and years. I cannot see the chance to break away yet. I must take it when I do - whatever the result.
February 20, 1945
It had been worrying me all day, so yesterday evening I altered it once more. Taking out the figure in the centre that had been giving me all the trouble from the start. I also took away the figure on the right and moved it to take the place vacated by the centre one. Now I begin to think I can consider getting it on canvas.
February 25, 1945
Yesterday and today got to work on the canvas. I think I must make some sketches for the two distant figures.
February 27, 1945
Evening. Made two sketches from Marion for the figures in my picture,
'The Pamela Hope' by Clifford Hall. Painted, January 3rd 1945.
January 4 1945
Bitterly cold and I did not feel much like work. Made a little sketch in black and white of the ' Pamela Hope', with a few figures on the foreshore - as I remembered it one morning last week.
January 5 1945
Morning. Did a little more to yesterday's drawing. In the afternoon I painted a small panel. The day was cold but sunny, and there was not much wind.
Quite a lot of bombs yesterday and some during last night. I have not heard any today.
January 6 1945
It thawed about 12.30 so I went and painted the 14" x 10" of Cheyne Row, the one I prepared some weeks back. Freezing again before I left off. Result quite good, better, I think, than the one of the same subject I painted last Spring.
March 2 1945
Painted a sketch, 18" x 14", of Hanna lying on a sofa I bought the other day. Good in colour and in feeling, amazingly complete in some ways, shockingly incomplete in others. I should, of course, have been at Wimbledon but I said I had a bad cold. Well, I have a bit of a cough. Treacherous this early Spring weather, sun shining and a horrible wind blowing.
March 5 1945
Was it auto-suggestion? On Saturday I felt really ill. Temperature and cough much worse. So I went to bed. Crept round to the studio on Sunday still feeling rather weak. Today, Monday, I am better and I did some work on the picture. Tomorrow I must face Wimbledon.
Got a bottle of cough mixture from Costello, to please Marion mostly, I have not much faith in it myself. The soup she made probably did me more good.
March 11 1945
Worked on the picture 'Women by the Sea' yesterday and did not make much headway. Worked at it all day today and got it much more under control. In fact, it began to go well and I had a good day.
March 17 1945
I have made two drawings this week, one last Tuesday evening of the view through the studio window with the lovely almond blossom and one last night of Elizabeth lying on my new sofa. This, I think, is a really good drawing; the other was only a trial for an oil sketch I will paint when the light is as I want it. If only this happens before the sparrows have pecked all the blossom from the branches!
March 18 1945
The almond tree must wait until next Spring - nearly all the flowers have gone.
Worked at the 'Women by the Sea'. Is it improved? I cannot say - yet. Will there ever come a time when I am as happy after repainting a picture as I am after I have just started one?
This amounts to a serious flaw in my method of working. A painting, other than the direct sketch from nature, should be built, logically, inevitably. I can build it, so far, it is the final stages that never fail to worry me.
March 19 1945
A few more touches to the 'Women by the Sea'.
Last Thursday Lillian opened her gallery. I think of it as hers although she has two charming partners with her. At the moment I am a little bewildered for it seems I will sell three works. I have been told I can have an exhibition to myself later on. I must not fail to give the best I can. And then on Thursday I had a letter from the Regent's Street Polytechnic saying I could start teaching there two evenings a week, commencing April 10th. At last I can see that frightful Wimbledon begin to fade. I will leave there as soon as possible, but I must wait a while yet and see how things turn out. And then I must paint lots of wonderful pictures. I am so happy. After Easter, I will start a portrait of Kate.
March 25, 1945
Worked at the 24" x 20" of Cheyne Row (from drawings). I have not touched this canvas since September, last year. I have improved it but I will put it aside for a while.
Lillian has sold the painting I did from the window here, of Manresa Road in snow. It is going to America and I won't see it again.
March 30, 1945
Painted a panel of the view of the river from Vauxhall. Could not get what I wanted so I wiped it off.
Evening - John* - and we drew from the model. Four drawings, three worth keeping, all very suggestive for paintings.
*Clifford's friend, John Buckland Wright
I am thinking of a 21" x 20" of Cheyne Row, looking North, and have squared up a drawing I made last Summer. Have I enough material? There are three drawings and a colour sketch, and yet I am not sure.
March 31, 1945
Worked most of the day and got the Cheyne Row on the canvas, in charcoal. Will continue with it tomorrow. I think I will underpaint this one in monochrome. But: thinly, and I must have a very accurate drawing underneath.
'Hanna on the Sofa' 1945, by Clifford Hall. The painting clearly needed to have the old varnish cleaned off and replacd when this photo was taken.